Turn left, turn right.

As I'm starting off on this keyboard typing away my thoughts, I don't have anything in particular to write about but in a way, a sense of something I need to write about needs to be expressed tonight. I like to think that if I wait till tomorrow, those thoughts and feelings I have now will evaporate into my sleep and then into my dream, only myself to be awaken with only its shadow. It's not intangible but I feel like I can't grasp it in my hands.

When I was on that airplane going back here to continue what I left for four months for a Summer escape, I couldn't help but to dread about it. It's as if I'm going back to this black void, sucked into a black hole only to find myself sunken into a lake of forgotten memories. And those memories are not forgotten anymore. It just reminds me the time alone I had in that small pink bath tub back in that old house one year ago.

God. One year. That's how long time has passed by.

I don't like to think about the past as often as I did any longer. It just feels like a dirty, cheap rusted tin box filled with bad, old memories. That's how bad it is. Part of me understands why; like a mature, logical and sensible young adult. Part of me just hate it so much, no, not hate, just can't get back to whom I was before. I am no longer searching answers in the past. No longer questioning every scene re-enacted in my head with the what ifs every so often. It's no longer a hassle. No longer a big problem. No longer part of my present time.

I thought it was such a bad thing to forget about friends you had. To forget the people you shared memories, the laughters and cries, the tiring efforts you make just to make people to accept you as you are. Only to find out that you are replaceable. They can discard you any time, any way, and every so often you don't even realize it happening. Friends drift apart. Even good friends that vowed and promised you sweet times and loyalty.

Through passing time and experience, only people you had deep understanding with, opened up your heart without any pretense, are the people you are likely to spend time without feeling dread and the people who are most likely to stand beside you forever. They would point out in every storm and rainfall, rainbows will shine its way through to put a smile on you. Well actually after the storm has died down lah. Literally, they will laugh at you when you're crying and tell how ugly you look like with puffy, red eyes, runny nose, and a comatose understanding why things happen the way they are. Of course they'll cry with you too. I love you bam bam me.

On a rather different topic all together, I've always been planning ridiculous way to escape reality. The reality people around me build up for me. I understand that I can't do much about it, but at the same time I know all I have to do to change it is to have more will power and actually believe that everything can be done if only I put my mind into it. So many things I want to do and so many things I want to become in my short period of life. It's nothing to do with showing off what I would have achieved, or what kind of life I would lead, but more about what good things I would do for myself. It's always about the 'me', not something else.

I learned that when you tell a story about something (an event, etc), it's more likely you would tell the story in your point of view, your experience about it, how you relate to the story, how it has an impact on you, and most importantly, oh my gosh, 'it's me' you're talking about.

***

Sumire is lost and she's back now, somewhere in another space but parallel time and place. I just can't get it out of my head. Where did she go to at that faithful night, wandering off into the woods? I wonder if she is dead, but K and Miu said they didn't feel that way so I believe in them. She's alive somewhere, only they can't reach her. Not in the same world as you and I live. I wonder what happens if you cross into that world. Would you be able to repent? Is it a punishment actually? Is it the last resort? I wonder if what Miu said about losing half of her somewhere is true. I wonder if I lost half of myself back then. I saw someone different back then, and I couldn't find myself to reconnect with 'her'. We shared experience and memories, but that's about it. The 'me' in the past has nothing else in common with the me now. She was close-minded, she thought she was non-judgmental, knows what is wrong and what is right. Just like in the book, 'I know with all my heart what's wrong... but could you tell me what is right?' Theoretically, you can say what is wrong and what is right. But to practise it in real life is... well not as simple as little theories.

I'm sleepy, so goodnight. Another time, another story.

Great starting point.

First off, December brings new changes. One, winter is here. Two, we're currently going to the gym daily since Monday.

That means today is our second day, and it's really, really good. I never thought it would be so easy to wake up and actually feel excited going to the gym. I've imagined myself complaining, finding every possible excuses not to go before this, and just back and forth trying to persuade myself to go. I've been postponing since last year, and that is saying something.

Having Sa as a flatmate, for one thing, is a bless. I'm grateful for her sporty nature cos if she wasn't, I would be like less motivated to go.

Also, since I've decided to change my life(?) I think I'm more decisive and responsible. I managed to go for my Tuesday afternoon classes. Yeay! Why? Cos I haven't been attending them due to numerous excuses from my part. I'm trying to manage my time better too so this is a start for me doing good in my course. I got a bonus confidence boost just now too ^^ My linguistic essay, the one I asked for extension and spent just three nights and days doing it, got a very decent mark for my standard. So I'm totally happy. I got 15 for it! ^^

So, pray for me to stay motivated on this path and let me get through it without a hitch. I think this is also like a countdown to new year to see if I can actually achieve something if I set my mind. Life shouldn't be hard to get through. So don't make it harder for yourself!

Ciao~!

Pop!

Haha! I forgot that I have links to other blogs here I haven't saved. So yeah. Somehow I miss blogspot. Nyeh. I guess I put so much energy writing here that it feels pity just to let it vanish. I'm staying alone in 10 Merkland Rd cos Vanessa is away in Edinburgh for the weekend. Now I'm listening to 2Ne1. Hah! I'm not some fanatics of Korean k-pop if that's what you're wondering, but their songs, beats, dances are really catchy.

I don't care -a -a -a -a -a~

Yesterday was the Aidil Adha, so we had a small gathering. Feast!

Lolli- lolli- lollipop! Oh lollipop pop!

Argh!!! Okay, gonna energized in London. The semester ends in three weeks. Yeay!! Gonna spend a week more or less in London and see my Lobak Zaza. Not forgetting Mumu too. I miss our banterings.

Oh I'm almost depleted. Energy wise. And so I figure out I should let loose. And also not to think too much. Problem is - I love to think so much.

Good bye~

End of blogspot.

Heyo people!

As I've mentioned before that I'm moving elsewhere for blogging. And that elsewhere is not Wordpress as I've told you guys before. I'm moving to Tumblr! So my Tumblr blog is Idle In Four Seasons. I hope you guys would be comfortable with the change, cos I awesomely do! Freedom for me to post on different types of category.

And I'm Twittering O_O via nanohm.

Thanks to certain someone, *cough* S *cough* A, it's rather alien for me. La la la~

Have a great Wednesday people. ;) See you on Tumblr and Twitter(?).

Yoga do?

This is a bit weird, but anybody here doing yoga? Haha. I won't be surprise if nobody is responding. Just a thought, you know~

Anyhoots, my body knows how to tell me when enough is enough and when I seriously need to work out. My stomach felt bloated cos I just spent the whole day in bed, doing absolutely unproductive things. So I went to You Tube just now, typed in "yoga" in the search box and it's very delightful to find anything you need on the net nowadays.

So yeah, I tried to follow some of the poses. I started off applying the breathing technique for beginners. It actually works! Okay, I sound like a cheap TV ad just now, but yeah lah, it works. My stomach stops grumbling and I can feel my muscle relaxing and the knot between my shoulder blades feel loose. Sleeping on an absolutely hard mattress is really not good you know.

So I just have this thought... maybe I should do this regularly instead of once in a blue moon. Everything can be found on You Tube (almost). SO might as well use it to the full extent. So, yoga do!

(Side note: I definitely gained weight during summer and these few weeks cos I can feel something that wasn't there before. Haha! Sounds weird. D-oh! Ah... dang it!)

Bunny meets Parrot Marnie

I think this is just so cute and adorable. "Oh my God!" Marnie sounds really adorable. Haha. I wouldn't mind getting a parrot one day, but that would be hard since we have cats at home. Jang-jang-da~~!!!

Neah~ just a thought.

As of 6th November 2009.

After watching Julia & Julie, I feel a bit inspired. Haha. Not too much, but it left me a feeling that sits there in my gut. Unbudging... or is it non-budgable? Hah! Not budging. Or maybe it's just that I need to go to the toilet real bad.

I got a little accident just this evening. I was pulling the fridge door slightly at a wrong angle, and managed to remove like a layer of the skin of my middle finger on my right hand. It's not like a big patch lah, don't worry... and it doesn't hurt. It is just fitting to the size of the hand plaster's cloth patch.

I'm sitting right here in the kitchen. And damn, I'm feeling kinda cold. But if I just go into my bedroom, I don't think I would get out of bed for anything. My plaster is kinda bloody now. Eww. It doesn't hurt though.

Speaking of blood, this is just some random fact but I used to get nosebleeds when I was a child. Maybe it's just because my body temperature is really comparable to a thermostat.

I'm moving to my bedroom now.

I just have this thought just now about blogging. As bloggers, we can actually say whatever we want. When I say anything, I mean EVERYTHING really. The thing is, we can actually write lies and nobody would know unless we know what actually happened, or it's just a work of fiction.

It's like we are on auto-pilot, writing diligently, being true to our words (unless you're not being honest to yourself), and bravely putting ourselves out there for strangers and friends alike to scrutinize, judge, agree with us, or just secretly feeling a bit of dislike because of something mentioned, or not mentioned.

We are really a piece of art. We human. We don't know much about the works that comes in for the creation of us but I'm glad that we are very interesting. Everyone is unique on their own, but I wish it doesn't make us any difference from one another. Maybe by a bit?